Tales of Magic and Mastery

This past month has been one long tale of magic and mastery for me. Yes, the call last week was a pivotal point for me and my work and speaking my truth, and I’m still in awe at how guided and perfectly it all unfolded for all of us. Meanwhile back in my own private life, something really amazing had happened just a few days before I ran the call.

As I have mentioned once before in this newsletter, many months ago now, maybe over a year ago, there are many things I feel I have mastered in life but the two remaining ones that I definitely needed to do work around were: Men and Money.

Specifically, in relationships I would either choose men who were not really good for me, or if they were I would back off and end the relationship. Total no-win, obviously! As far as money was concerned I was running a pattern of earning it and spending it all. It didn’t matter how much or little I earned, there were never any savings.

Since I realised these two weaknesses many years ago, I assumed they were two very different “problems”; it was only in the past month that I finally got that they were very much interconnected, and I’m going to share with you why, because it may just help you shed some light on any recurring challenges you may have in your world.

So, long story short things came to a head recently (no coincidence because I was ready and had asked for a breakthrough) and after asking for guidance I drew a Goddess card with the intention that it would “tell me something I really needed to hear”. What I drew was “Betrayal”. At first this freaked me out a little, as the meaning of the card was about someone close betraying me, but as I continued reading I came to the part where an inner journeying exercise was given, and for the first time in a long time I decided to do it. Again, long story short, I followed the instructions and had the most profound experience.

I was instructed to relax, sit back, close my eyes and imagine that I was watching myself as a child on a movie screen. I was to watch myself moving through my life from a young age and then press the pause button at the moment that I felt betrayed.

Well, what happened next was shocking to me.

I came to the part when I was six and came home from school one day to find piles of boxes in the dining room. My father had left home that day, unbeknown to me, and mum explained that he would be living with my gran for a while and that he was gone.

It was at this moment in my history that I pressed the pause button and realised that even though my adult self understands why dad left and doesn’t blame him for doing so, my child self very much still felt betrayed and was "waiting for daddy to come back.” Goodness!

The next part of the exercise was to walk up to the movie screen and take the hand of my child-self and help her off the screen. The book read: "You return with her to where you were sitting or lying. Ask that child what she needs and give it to her. Now tell her that you, the adult, love her and won’t betray her. Tell her that you really see that she was wounded, and that you, the adult, will be there for her. Keep repeating this until she has really heard you. Now take her back to the film and let her re-enter. This time when the betrayal is about to happen, you the adult appear on the scene and protect the child.”

Needless to say this was a really powerful exercise for me and came at the perfect time.

Although dad and I were in regular contact after he moved out, even up until a month ago I still felt as if I had lost my father in most ways that mattered.

Over the years I had kept my distance as he had a new family and I didn’t want to "intrude" or be rejected. So I held back and our relationship became patchy and relatively distant. He interpreted this as me not caring; it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I just couldn’t bear feeling any more rejection or as if I were the odd one out (I have an older step-brother and a younger step-sister) even if it wasn’t intentional on his part; it was the way it felt.

No wonder my adult relationships were skewed.

Within a week of drawing the card my father rang out of the blue. We hadn’t spoken since before Christmas for various reasons and I took it as my opportunity to begin a conversation around how much I wanted our relationship to be different. It was a conversation I have been wanting to have for almost a year but had never felt ready to have it.

What happened next blew me away.

Dad was honest with me about a few things also and we both realised that we’d both been projecting different truths onto one another and that underneath all the gunk of projection was a genuine love for one another that had been smothered for years.

This phone call led to a visit where we could speak face-to-face. I asked if it could be “just us”, as in thirty years I had only ever been in his company with my step-mother, and this needed to be between us. He agreed. That felt like the biggest gift.

Our meeting was amazing. We hardly needed to say anything, really. There was no need to go over years and years of stuff. What mattered was the truth, and the truth was that we loved each other and now we had said it we could just move forward.

Since then he has rung “just to chat” and that in and of itself is a major breakthrough. I finally feel as if I have my dad back. It’s amazing and I’m even crying about it as I write. So many years of me protecting myself and him feeling as unloved as I did. A new chapter had begun!

Now how does this tie in with money?

Well, I finally realised that I had been creating earn/spend pattern unconsciously to put me in a weak and vulnerable position (like a child). When I unravelled the yarn I discovered that that child-self was controlling my finances and trying to create an emergency situation that would bring daddy back to rescue me.

Oh-my-God : )

Even though my father is by no means wealthy, I think it was the only possible way that part of me could come up with to have him come back and show me he loved me; very juvenile thinking, but that’s the part of me that was running the show.

The Goddess Card exercise around betrayal changed everything for me. As soon as I committed to protecting and loving that child-self everything transoformed. My father rang, we made good. I suddenly stopped wanting to spend money unnecessarily and found joy in saving. These are all miracles considering how long the pattern has been undermining my life - THIRTY YEARS!

Having said that, I don’t regret a thing. Anytime I learn something like this first-hand I have more tools to bring to working with my clients. In fact I shared this story with one only yesterday and it really helped her. I’m sharing it with you not because I need to, but because I want to in case it helps you. The details might be different but there might be one or two things in here that you can take for you, no matter what your age. Patterns stay patterns unless we unpick them and spin a new yarn : )

I used to think inner child work was a bit fluffy to be honest. I was of the mindset “just grow up and get on with it!” because taking control of my life from a young age had generally served me well for the most part. But the truth of it is, we all still have our child-self inside of us. Whether we had an idyllic childhood or an abusive one, that part of us is still within us operating from the place that keeps the pattern repeating until it’s healed.

There are many ways we can go about healing a situation. I was fortunate that my father was as willing to heal as I was but this is not always the case. In such instances just know that your intention to mend and heal is ENOUGH. You can go into a quiet space, set the intention that you wish to make peace or heal your relationship with a certain person (or memory) and connect with them at a soul level. This is the place where personalities and “stuff” don’t get in the way.

Not everyone is ready to heal or understands the importance of it. I have used the above method a couple of times in my life when the other person has wanted to keep a grudge or resentment alive. We can’t control what another person thinks or feels but we all have the power to make peace with the situation inside OURSELVES and do this profound inner work that allows us to move on. It can free up more joy and energy than we realise once we’ve done it - and the other person will also feel it on some level, even if they're not consciously aware of it.

As for me now, I’m looking forward to knowing what it’s like to have a proper father-daughter relationship. This time I won’t be self-sabotaging because I know that, no matter what may happen with dad in the future, the little girl in me has been rescued, hugged, told she is loved and I'm totally committed to keeping it that way.

Coaching challenge:

Identify one area of your life that you've been repeating a debilitating pattern with. Once you have identitied the "symptom", it's time to look for the cause. What part of you is crying to be healed or heard in order for this "attention-getting" behaviour to end? If you rescued or met with that part of you, loved it, hugged it and assured it it was loved and safe and you are 100% committed to healing in this way, how would the resultant peace transform the wounded part of your life? What would the new pattern look like? How would that feel? I would love to hear...

Comments

[Melina]

beautiful, Karen!

you always have so much wisdom to share.

much love!

[Matt Dixon]

Karen,

That really touched me. Having come from a family where the dynamics are distorted (at best!), it's really nice to know that I'm not the only one that's had something happen far into childhood which caused a massive domino effect into the present day. I say 'good on ya!' for uncovering this huge bump-in-the-road and undoing it. I'm inspired. :]

[Naomi]

wow ... amazing stuff. Inner child work -- in the right context -- really is effective.

There is power in those angel cards, ha? I felt inspired to pull three of them (from a deck I purchased after you and I had our first call) as we're set to launch into the Raw Magic and Mastery program. (I wrote you about it on the RM&M site.)

Naomi in NY

[Donna]

Betrayal...that's a huge piece. I've done the same with my Dad and Mom. And then realizing I've always picked men who would betray me ultimately. Now, the last 4 years, I've been trying to solve the betrayal piece with my girlfriends. Who would've thought! I'm in the process of leaving a business I've had for 20 years. With that and still no relationship, I have been asking myself constantly..."Will this betray me?" Thanks for all your honesty.

[Elaine]

Powerful stuff. Well done. This is right where I am at the moment, have just started inner child work and my world is in turmoil. A life long compulsive eating pattern has resurfaced, one which I believed had been solved. I am experimenting with Raw Foods and have long standing health issues which had improved but not now. I can see that when the healing occurs, life will change.

[Colleen]

Well done, Karen. May you and your dad be blessed with many years together to make wonderful memories.

Hugs,
Colleen

[Julie-Ann]

Karen,
This is so beautiful.. thank-you for sharing. I have just been through the same experience! Although my father passed away when I was very young I have been able to make peace by connecting with a love I had with him which I had blocked out before he died. I also feel I have now been able to heal in similar ways from wrongly perceieved child perceptions with similar issues.
With love
Julie-nn xo

[Denise]

wow, what an amazing and touching story Karen. It resonated deeply with me. Thank you.

[Amy Webster]

Thank you Karen for your honestly and generosity, as always. Your sharing touched me deeply as well and I see that truth is the only way forward. Inner truth leading to outer truth. How brave of you. We are all inspired by your journey.
With gratitude,
Amy

[FatGirl]

Thank you! That was just wat i needed to read today, thank you!

[Kari]

I got a lump in my throat as I read your realization about your father and then the amazing opportunity you had to talk with him. Powerful, brave, incredible. Thank you for sharing this.

[max edie]

hi karen,
I'm in the process of re-union with my daddy, as I called him in childhood before I felt betrayed. the name was changed to papa, to distance and protect myself and as a way of saying he no longer deserved his former name. the same exact issues of inappropriate men and lack of financial independance have dogged me too. what an insight that this or something similar could be the explanation. thank you for your transparency and sharing this with us. with much love, max

[aishwarya]

Yes Karen ~~~
I can connect to this deeply. I have had trust issues with men too as I could not ever have a chance to build in a proper relationship with my father. But everything can be healed with intention and i started the inner child work some years back and it has really helped me. And I love those deck cards, yeah~~~ wonderful tools of magic.
Thank you so much for the honesty and clarity. It is wonderful to know that you are starting on this beautiful new journey in life. This is really exciting. Am all joyous and happy for you :D
LOTS OF LOVE ~~~

[bekkavalentine]

Thank you for writing this piece Karen. It has really really helped me today. I know I have mis-alignment in the areas of men and money and your article showed me that these things can be identified and resolved. I can get on with my day feeling like there is hope now - in all areas of my life!

[Nonamae Satya]

What perfect timing. It's not a surprise, but more like a pleasant gift while I'm working with very similar themes in my life.

The inner child work is something I also used to think was a lot of fluff. Now that I'm working with a Somatic Therapist I can see the value of it.

Of course the simplest things are often the most powerful.

You are a constant inspiration for me. Every call I'm on, every piece you write, is SO in line with my beliefs and views about the interconnectedness of all parts of our being.

I could go on... suffice it to say I have a warm place in my heart for you.

Thank you. <3

[jessica]

your transparancy is wonderful healing for all. thank you for beautiful expressions.